Coming up to Christmas, a gift from my dreams

I had a complicated relationship with my mother for many years, although we’re a little closer now. So it was wonderful to have this gift of a dream in the run-up to Christmas.

My mother when she was young
My mother when she was young

It was just a cameo, the briefest of scenes, but very vivid. We were in an open field on a bright sunny day, my mother and me, with green grass and meadow flowers all around.

In the middle of the field, there was a big scrubbed wooden kitchen table, a free-standing cooker and another smaller table with a red and white checked tablecloth flapping in the breeze.

My mother was making cakes, stirring the mixture, spooning it into the tins, putting them into the oven and bringing the ones that had finished cooking out.

She was too busy to talk to me, or even look at me, but I felt very happy to be there, helping. I cut the freshly baked cakes into squares and arranged them on my mother’s beautiful cake stands and favourite china plates.

The ‘I’ in the dream was so happy that I, the dreamer, noticed it and realised why. It was because my mother was young again, just like when I was little. I looked more closely, I savoured the moment.

A dream like this is a gift because when you are aware in the dream, you experience it exactly as if it was real life. I didn’t just dream about my mother; I was with her in a bright meadow, making cakes.

It reminded me of Christmases when I was little. My mother was always frantically busy, because she worked full time and had four children to look after, yet every Christmas day the whole family came to our house; uncles and aunties, cousins and grandparents, all squeezed in around every table and chair we could find or borrow.

Those childhood Christmases were my mother’s gifts to me, and I’m sure they were the seeds of my love for all things Christmassy today even though, because of our long estrangement, I planted them so far away.

I’ve gone for understated this year!

Happy Christmas everyone. May your Christmas dreams be sweet.



4 thoughts on “Coming up to Christmas, a gift from my dreams”

  1. Lovely dream, Jen. I had a vivid dream about my mum this week too. She had been staying with us, as in real life, at the end of her days – she died of emphysema. In my dream she got better and continued to stay with us, and it was so joyful seeing her making her plans, arranging her social life. We were so happy to have her with us. This has been a recurring dream over the years – where she recovers and we are thrilled.
    I went to a medium for the first time recently and she saw my mum and told me a number of things about her, and what she wanted to say to me, and one was to forget about what happened at the end. She said it didn’t matter. That was good to hear as it had been a very difficult time. I always feel a certain melancholy at Christmas and it is about family – those mixed feelings, joys and sorrows. Thanks for your reminder of all of that. Happy Christmas Jen.

    1. Wow Tessa, thank you for sharing that lovely dream. And you managed to describe, as I struggled to do in my post, the extraordinary mix of emotions around family that Christmas brings –
      probably for most people, I would think. I had several years when it was a terrible time for me, before I found my way back to that childhood joy and pleasure. I’m so glad you heard your mother’s message to you.Happy Christmas to you too, Tessa xx

  2. Thanks for this lovely piece of writing Jenny. I really relate to this, and there was some healing in your writing for me.

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